"Helping Hands and Hearts”

by Mary Wilsted

November 23, 2003

I grew up in a small town in Michigan. Some of my earliest memories revolve around the large Presbyterian Church my family attended. We were what was known in those days as a "church-going" family. My parents were both extremely active in the local, state, and national levels of the church hierarchy, holding various positions of leadership. I never missed a day of Sunday School or Bible School while growing up. As I became a teenager I, too, became active in the local and state youth groups, holding several leadership positions. I sang in the youth choir and, eventually, the senior choir where my mother was often a featured soloist. I began playing the organ occasionally in church at the age of thirteen and became a full-time organist at the local Baptist Church when I was 16. I attended summer church camps and became a counselor at these same camps as soon as I was old enough to do so. My two older brothers (who were ten and twelve when I was born) had followed the same pathways and, in fact, my oldest brother Richard became an ordained Presbyterian minister. At one point our family was featured in the national magazine, "Presbyterian Life" because my mother was moderator of the Presbytery Women, my father was moderator of the Presbytery Men and my brother Bob was president of the Presbytery Youth - all in the same year. So as you can see, the statement that our family was an active "church-going" family is no exaggeration!

My relationship with churches did not stop when I became an adult. When Tom and I were married and had started our family we began to forge new church ties. Whenever we have moved into a new community one of our first priorities has been to find a new church home, much as our 8 newest members will do (have done) today. Tom and I have been members of Methodist, Presbyterian and Congregational churches, depending on where we have lived. We have both been active on various committees and boards throughout all those moves and some of our best friends today are ministers and fellow church members from our former congregations.

But, in spite of a lifetime of church attendance and activity, I never felt a personal relationship with God or Jesus. In fact, I felt uncomfortable when people talked about their relationships with God or even mentioned God or Jesus outside the confines of the church sanctuary. (And, to be honest - to this day, I still feel uneasy when I am asked to say a prayer or lead a devotion or say grace out loud, in front of other people. So you can imagine how I feel giving this sermon to all of you!) Maybe I felt that talk of God and Jesus belonged in church and the minister was the only one qualified to talk about them. Or perhaps I simply felt that this was too personal a subject to discuss. If truth be told, however, it is probably really because I felt inadequate, that I wouldn't know what to say. And, too, "religion" was more an intellectual experience than an emotional one for me. Sure - I said my prayers at night as a child and accepted the concept of Heaven and, to some extent, Hell (although I did have trouble with the Presbyterian belief of predestination). I never went through the stage of searching and questioning that many young people went through, asking "Is there really a God?" But still, I felt no REAL personal attachment to God……….until one day in the mid 80's.

I was a guidance counselor at a private school in New Jersey at that time and had become active in our national professional organization. I was flattered to have been asked to chair a panel at our national conference. I worked very hard to get panel members who would present great insights on our topic. I had numerous communications with all of them, and had planned everything down to the last detail. Then, several days before I was to leave for the conference, I developed an unusual and unexplained abdominal pain. It became increasingly worse and it began to look like I would be unable to attend the conference, let alone participate in any program. The day before I was to leave I was desperately trying to wash and iron clothes and pack my suitcase in the off-chance that this agonizing pain would get better and I would be able to travel. As I stood at the ironing board in my basement, my frustration level reached an all-time high and I simply screamed without consciously planning to do so, "God, please make this pain go away!" Within a few seconds the pain disappeared……suddenly and completely! I literally fell to my knees and thanked God for this "miracle." And I cried too because, for the first time in my life, I knew that there really was a God, that He had heard my prayer and that He had answered it. That, for me, was the true miracle. God suddenly and unexpectedly became personal and He had a place in my life.

The next time I had what I have come to call an "epiphany" was several years later. My brother Richard spent the better parts of two entire summers living with us, having taken on the project of painting the outside of our house. Little did we know of the extent of his perfectionism when we first suggested this project to him. His work included scraping off old paint, melting every inch of remaining paint off of each board, sanding the wood shingles, scraping out debris from between each board, caulking that same space, sanding again and, finally, using an artist's brush to wipe off the dust. All of this work took place before he even dipped a brush into the paint can! At the end of the second summer when our house was still only 2/3 finished, for the sake of my family's sanity, it was time to ask him to leave. But this was my brother, one of the people to whom I was the closest in the whole world. I didn't want to hurt him in any way, yet our patience had worn incredibly thin. So I prayed long and hard for the right words to say to him before beginning this confrontation.

As I began talking to him, I found myself using reasoning and language that had never even entered my mind before. The words simply flew out of my mouth. My communication skills were approaching those of a seasoned debater - I was brilliant! My brother received my thoughts of why he should return home with wonderful acceptance and, in fact, his bags were packed the very next day. His feelings were not hurt, my family was relieved and, once again, I had a very tangible reason for thanking God for his intervention in my life. I honestly felt that the words coming out of my mouth were not exactly my own, and in some ways, I felt that I was almost "speaking in tongues” - the thoughts and words were that foreign to me. Richard died several years ago and I am eternally grateful that those two disastrous summers did not cloud our relationship, that we remained close until the day he died.

My third epiphenous moment (or as Dr. Phil calls them - "life-changing moments") came this summer. Now I realize that it had been a very long time since I last felt God speaking directly to me. But this in no way diminishes the enormity of his presence in my life and in the understanding of the power of prayer. And, in fact, this next intervention was also an answer to a recurring theme I had been praying about for a long time. When we moved to Connecticut, I became semi-retired and for the first time in my adult life I was not working full-time. I had a long career working with teenagers, first as a teacher, then as a school administrator and guidance counselor. With my retirement from that field, I began to wonder what was my purpose in life, what did God have planned for me? What was I supposed to be doing with my life? I can't begin to tell you how many times I asked these questions of God and didn't really feel that I had heard any answers….until late this summer when an answer came to me.

In early August, as some of you know, Tom and I were both stricken with mysterious physical ailments within two days of each other. While I was just beginning to go through a series of tests to discover why I was in such pain in my rib cage, Tom developed an excruciating pain in his back, followed by total numbness in his hands, that progressed further up his arms and into his chest and back. After a couple of emergency room visits with no answers, and both of us in dreadful pain, our house began to look like a hospital ward. Neither of us could take care of ourselves, let alone each other. Friends would call and say "Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help you." But both of us found it extremely difficult to ask for specific help. We would have gratefully accepted offers of meals, grocery shopping, lawn mowing, etc. - in essence, help with the daily chores of simply living. But we couldn't ASK for that specific help. So, out of desperation, I made an appointment with Bruce to ask if there was any way that the church could give us this very specific help. When I asked him if there was a mechanism in our church to help people on an emergency basis, he answered, “Yes…what do you need?" The mechanism turned out to be that Bruce made a phone call to Betsy, who made phone calls to friends and choir members, who provided meals for us for five days. This was literally a godsend (interesting word given the circumstances) for us and got us through some very dark days. Luckily Tom was eventually diagnosed correctly, vigorous treatment for Lyme Disease was successfully instituted and he has almost totally recovered.

But…back to my third epiphenous moment. Between my house and Bruce's office that day in August, God spoke to me. Believe me, I know how presumptuous that sounds. But I have no other explanation for what happened in that car. A total, organized plan erupted in my head for our congregation to minister to each other and I was even given the name for the program - Helping Hands and Hearts. And, at the same time, God also answered my question of what I could do to help give purpose to my life. I presented this plan to the Church Council and they were unanimously supportive, encouraging me to explain it to the congregation in the form of a sermon.

Helping Hands and Hearts is a concrete and organized way we can minister to each other as emergency needs arise. You will find a sign-up sheet in your bulletins, listing what tasks you would be willing to perform for those in need, on an emergency basis. Included on this list are: cooking a meal, going grocery shopping, providing transportation, mowing a lawn or shoveling snow (depending on the season), running an errand, making a friendly telephone call, and there is a space marked "other". This is your opportunity for creativity. Perhaps you have been in the same position we were in and know of other clear-cut needs that you wish had been addressed. Just put your ideas in that space marked "other." There is also a space for you to check if you would be willing to be part of organizing this project and help line up volunteers by making phone calls as necessary. Please fill out the insert and return these completed forms to me or to the office. I will collate all of these sign-up sheets and form a database, with lists of people who are willing to do particular tasks. When a person has a need, he or she will contact me (or Bruce or Kim) and I will call people on the list who have ALREADY offered a helping hand in a specific area. I think it would be much easier for a person in crisis to ask a coordinator to find the needed help than to ask someone directly for help, much as I felt when I asked Bruce for help. This avoids feeling embarrassed at the thought of putting someone on the spot. Another way that the system can work is for people to contact me if they know of someone else who might need some help. (Bruce or Kim can also relay requests for assistance.) I will then contact that person and see if our Helping Hands and Hearts can be activated for them. In our case, our "crisis" was medical. But there are other times when people may need short-term emergency help such as: the birth of a baby, a death in the family, loss of a job, or a spouse who is called upon to help with an elderly parent, leaving his or her own family to fend for themselves. I'm sure there are many other situations which could arise.

I am excited about this project for two reasons: 1)it provides an opportunity for those in need to receive the help they need without having to feel embarrassed and 2) it gives all of us a real and organized way of ministering to each other. This congregation has a wonderful history of helping others when we know what is needed as evidenced in our response to the Adopt-a-Social worker program, Habitat for Humanity, the Coventry Fuel Bank, the Coventry Holiday Committee, toilet articles for prison inmates, food for the Soup Kitchen, the CROP walk…..and the list goes on and on. Now I am asking you to offer help even closer to home, to the members of our own congregation. Some of us have families living in nearby communities who are able to assist us when we need them. But many of us do not have family members close enough to help out in these times of misfortune, so we need our "extended family" here in this church to provide that support.

Bruce spoke in his sermon several weeks ago about the two greatest commandments - "to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And the second is like unto it - you shall love your neighbor as yourself." He then went on to say that loving God and loving your neighbor are one and the same. What an opportunity we have at First Church to love both God and our neighbor. And what a testament to that love that today we have new members joining us in our covenant of faith. We welcome them into our family of faith and Helping Hands and Hearts welcomes them into our program.

In many ways it is fitting that I give this sermon on this particular day. We are celebrating Thanksgiving and we are welcoming new "neighbors" into our family. On this Thanksgiving Sunday I, for one, am thankful that I am a member of this church, a church which has allowed me to grow in so many ways. I am grateful for the chance to organize a new program, with your help, for assisting those in need. I am so thankful that God chose to reveal himself to me in several life-altering moments, and I am looking forward to many more such moments. And, believe it or not, I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to give this sermon. Look at me! I am talking about God - out loud and in front of people. I hope that our new members will take advantage of all that this wonderful church and its people have to offer, that they will become "church-going" members in every sense of the word. And, who knows, maybe it won't take 50-some years for one of them to give a lay sermon!

In conclusion, as Bruce stated in that same sermon of several weeks ago, "knowing what are matters of importance gets you close to the kingdom of God. Knowing it gets you close - doing it gets you there!" Let us all "get there" by DOING!

Amen.